28 April 2008

The Dinosaur Record

Super Tempo
STMP 9017
1980


The Dinosaur Record

Several years back I was one of a team of committed audio monganauts called Radio Savage Houndy Beasty. We blagged space on the local student radio station and did some late night far out stuff, really abrasive challenging stuff, some really beautiful stuff, some blissed out dreamy soundscapes, spoken word comedy, lots of swearing, all powerfully fuelled by a big blue bong. Trawl the downloads if that intrigues you.

It felt like a band that jammed, but we used other peoples recordings as our instruments. Lots of sound effect records, samples and loops (where other people tend to pick good beats and breaks, we'd be more likely to have foghorns and washing machine noises), and a lot of crap records found in charity shops.

When I first saw The Dinosaur Record I presumed it'd be an album of stories or something. But it's actually ten twee anthropomorphic songs for children.

Written by a team of Mike Croft and Chris Croft, with backing vocals from Janine Croft, Rachel Croft and Emma Croft, it's clearly a family affair. Thank fuck for that, I'd hate to think anyone had paid kids who sing so badly out of tune.

Brontosaurus, Will You Wait For Me is a song about a child wanting a pet and finding a brontosaurus to whom the youngster implausibly asserts 'I could take you home, nobody would know'.

Our credulity is stretched even further in Triceratops Rock by the bold claim that 'the rocking triceratops invented the rock n roll'.

Reggae rhythms lope away under the lyrics of O Stegasaurus, which at least stays closer to the facts. Praising the animal's 'own special style', the singer laments not sharing a world with them. Describing himself as the 'biggest fan' of this particular dinosaur, we get somewhat unnerved by the declaration that it is 'lovelier than any man'.

And then, just unable to go a whole song without a ludicrous factual error, he describes it as being 'half a mile long and ten feet tall'.

The stegosaurus was in fact around 30 feet long and 14 feet tall, and looked like this.

Stegosaurus, 30 feet long and 14 feet tall

If it were half a mile long and ten feet tall, it would look like this.

Stegosauraus, half a mile long and ten feet tall

I'm sure you'll agree that, compared to other stegosaurii, that stegosaurus does indeed have its own special style.

The RSHB reworking of Brontosaurus Will You Wait For Me can be downloaded here, but frankly nothing can make you as baffled as the straightforward originals, one of the all-time great 'what the fuck?' albums.

As you'd expect from a record designed to be cared for by small children, there's a hell of a lot of crackle.

[MP3s deleted to make way for new ones. If you'd like me to send you them - via a transferbigfiles.com link so they don't overload your inbox - then leave your email address in the Comments]

16 comments:

James Blundell said...

loving RSHB here in the office - laughing till a little bit of wee comes out...

OddyOh said...

Oh man, I grew up with this record. I think we may have had it at home, but we for sure had it at my school. Thanks for resurrecting it! Oh, and I think the kids are just following the out of tune piano's lead... :)

kong said...

Thanks. I remember this one!
Could you possibly upload March of the Dinosaurs & Tyrannosaurus Rex??

kong said...

Great stuff! I remember this album! Could you possibly upload March of the Dinosaurs & Tyrannosaurus Rex?

merrick said...

Kong, sorry mate but I don't have the record any more.

I was inspired to post some of it here by someone asking Radio Savage Houndy Beasty if we had the original of Brontosaurus, and as I'd not touched the album in years and we don't do radio shows any more, I thought I might as well give it to them.

Anonymous said...

Mike Croft was my teacher at primary school nearly forty years ago (waah!). He was a great teacher (used to call me an "idle brat" - ah, happy days). I knew he'd produced this... work, but I hope he didn't give up the day job.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to say it I still have this record! How sad is that?

OddyOh said...

How sad?! That's awesome you still have it, don't ever get rid of it!

merrick said...

I'm with OddyOh, it's a fuckin marvel that you've still got it! Crank it up and sing along!

Sal said...

This is total genius. I used to love this tape. Please post the other tunes - especially Dinosaurs The World Is Yours.

notthatway said...

Lmao. I've still got this aswell. I would load it up for you but it's on tape and I haven't the equipment to do it.

merrick said...

Sal,

I can't upload the others, I don't have the record any more.

I was inspired to post some of it here by someone asking Radio Savage Houndy Beasty if we had the original of Brontosaurus, and as I'd not touched the album in years and we don't do radio shows any more, I thought I might as well give it to them.

Anonymous said...

Nicki in Norway
My kids listened to this and they are now in their 30s. Do try and get the other songs, especially Dinosaurs the World was yours...I remember the lyrics. I am now using these songs to open a dinosaur topic for 8 year olds!!

Raanana said...

I thought our family was the only bunch that even knew this album, Absolutely brilliant - I don't care how bad it was! It brings back so many happy memories.
Yeh!!! Please put all the songs up for MP3 dowload. Yes! Let's make this album a best-seller again.
Col
Ra'anana, Israel
P.S. A page on this album has been has been put up on Wikipedia - thanks to "Barmispain" - only it's been called "The Dinosaur Tapes" - he must have had it on cassette.

Len Kraven said...

I used to have this album on tape, i wish i never gave it away to the local charity shop now.

Someone has uploaded "Brontosaurus, Will You Wait For Me" onto youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hj4CKMotPM

Keith Ketley said...

Here is the whole album! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40ZwZ54ic5A